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Massachusetts Empty Massachusetts

Post by jcarnes on Sat Feb 13, 2010 3:34 pm

Massachusetts. The only state to speak Aerosmith. The only state to give birth to more bands per day than babies per year. The only state that has a name that I can’t spell. (excluding the fabled state of Alaska)

Two of the most successful bands to come from this mediocre state were Aerosmith and Boston. (Both from the city of Boston) Aerosmith was voted the greatest band to ever exist after they singlehandedly stopped the war between the humans and the Elves by getting more powerful amps to blow the brains out of everyone listening, sadly, only the humans survived the concert thanks to their hearing only the lower frequencies. In an attempt to cover up the blood, Massachusetts used a time machine and renamed the event to Woodstock. Needless to say, Snoopy wasn’t too happy that his bird friend was now an infamous murderer. Three years later, Snoopy teamed up with Snoop Dog and Woodstock got a new pair of cement shoes. In a later interview with Woodstock, the small yellow bird wished to give his thanks to Snoopy and Snoop dog for getting a pair of shoes that didn’t make his feet sweat.

In more recent news, the SCSF had to be called in to resolve the situation with Hildog (Hillary Clinton). The power vacuum that she left behind when she left to be the ambassador to New Terkisrealia-istanlyolina (pronounced New Terk isrealia-istanly olina) caused the economy of France to spiral out of control. With their new found wealth, France bought the rights to call themselves Germans and started a war with itself for control of Asia. Britain was slightly confused but said that it would support his girlfriend as long as she wanted to fight with the mirror. Three days after the war started, Russia was declared the winner and had to pay 50 million dollars (3 Euros or 9 Pecos) in war debts to Canada. The King of South Africa had this to say, “This war showed us that Europe gets all the action, so we’re moving our population to Northeast Asia to be closer to the action.” As a result, Massachusetts left the Union but 300 years later in 1999 they feared that with the ball dropped brining in 2000 that their computers would explode killing 19 guilty people and they rejoined the Union in hopes that the U.S. could save them. When the ball dropped, the 19 guilty people died. With their faith in the U.S. destroyed again, they launched an invasion of Washington State believing that if they found the city of D.C. that they could make all things better. The SCSF met them in New Michigan across the street from a Disco and told them where that the real capital of the U.S. was in (static) located next to the (censored). If they got lost, they could Google (information deleted) or go to www. (information damaged, suggest you not read anymore treasonous material).666 and ask for Mike, he’d give then the information they needed.

State soda: Dr. pimp

State football team: the Boston Hellcats

State stance of me: positive

State stance on porn: “Uhhh… we don’t watch that stuff” quote from President George Jetson

State food: pixi-burgers (they taste like magic chickens)

State tree: was cut down to make a bypass to bypass the state flower

State flower: was stepped on during the construction of the bypass

State bird: was eaten by the English until they became extinct. It was later blamed on the part Irish part Native American typing this.

State pro-wrestler: Chewbacca

Side effects may include, but aren't limited to: Instant death, am American embargo, flying purple ponies, fear of abandonment, embarrassing wet places, itchy teeth, phantom itch, fear of the Amish, Floridaphobia, Trekkie-ites, love of plaid, a warp core breach...
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